Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
