Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
