I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
