If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
