I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
