Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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