I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
