you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
