I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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