I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
