I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
