so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
