Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
