Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
