that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Randomize
