I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
