I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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