thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
