Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
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