OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
