He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
