I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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