Rock
Scissors
Fuck
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
