Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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