Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
