Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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