i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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