Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
