Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
