btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
