Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
