she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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