She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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