I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize