Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
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