Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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