Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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