dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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