The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
