You were right. It hurts to walk today.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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