Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
