so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
