Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
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Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
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Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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