I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
