I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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