mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
