he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
