The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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