shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
