fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
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I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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