OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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