I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
