Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
