He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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