She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
