you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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