He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
