By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
