just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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