Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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