I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
