i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Too much gin, very little bucket
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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