He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
