he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
