I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
