There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
