he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
barbara walters just said penis...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
