Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
