she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
