i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
