you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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