Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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