I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
