Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
