They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Randomize
