omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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