i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
