Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
